|Derrick Brown, F 30 MIN | 2-6 FG | 1-3 FT | 8 REB | 1 AST | 5 PTS | -25
Derrick Brown grabbed eight rebounds? Where was I? Oh, yeah! I was upstairs in the bathroom staring into the mirror, talking to myself, trying to convince my mind that the Bobcats were indeed a real-life, NBA franchise. I’m still not 100 percent certain… But the game’s box score did end up on NBA.com, so Charlotte has to be one… right? RIGHT?!
|Byron Mullens, C 26 MIN | 4-11 FG | 1-1 FT | 5 REB | 1 AST | 9 PTS | -22
The rest of his teammates dragged Mullens out of the clouds and pile-drove him back to Earth tonight. To the man’s credit, he played tough around the basket and tipped a bunch of 50-50 rebounds out to other Bobcats… The only problem was those guys didn’t seem interested in grabbing them.
|Bismack Biyombo, C 26 MIN | 1-2 FG | 0-0 FT | 3 REB | 0 AST | 2 PTS | -23
Potential… Potential… Potential… Raw talent…. Raw talent… Raw talent… Youngest player in the NBA… Young – You get the point.
|Gerald Henderson, G 27 MIN | 4-12 FG | 4-4 FT | 2 REB | 1 AST | 12 PTS | -18
He did manage to burst into double digits, but many of his eight missed shots came at or around the rim.
|Kemba Walker, PG 36 MIN | 5-14 FG | 4-4 FT | 7 REB | 7 AST | 16 PTS | -22
Despite his burning passion for bricklaying, Kemba managed to put together a nice, near triple double, game. I don’t care if the Bobcats were on pace to lose this one 120-80 at one point, anyone who roots for or cares about the Bobcats has to be pleased with his seven assists.
|Corey Maggette, SF 19 MIN | 7-12 FG | 8-8 FT | 3 REB | 0 AST | 23 PTS | -11
He did score 23 points on just 12 shots. He did shoot 8-8 from the charity-stripe. But he treats the notion of passing the ball like the ancients treated the notion of touching a leper.
|Matt Carroll, SG 17 MIN | 2-5 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 2 AST | 4 PTS | -6
You know your favorite team is the worst in its sport when Matt Carroll plays extended minutes for it.
|D.J. White, PF 18 MIN | 3-8 FG | 0-0 FT | 4 REB | 0 AST | 6 PTS | -4
Like Brown’s eight rebounds, I don’t remember seeing White in the game. He probably doesn’t even remember playing. In fact, I doubt any Bobcat will remember this game when they wake up. The team is probably undergoing a group procedure much like the one Jim Carrey goes through in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. When they finally regain consciousness Tuesday, the last thing the Bobcats will remember is their 116-96 loss to the Hawks… Maybe they should take a few days off and just erase the entire season.
|Tyrus Thomas, PF 15 MIN | 1-3 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 2 AST | 2 PTS | -2
Words cannot describe the feelings I have towards Thomas. When he’s on the floor I find myself cringing, uttering horrible, low pitched, raspy sighs and occasionally breaking into a cold sweat. This guy has all the talent in the world, and THESE are the numbers he puts up on a consistent basis?
|Cory Higgins, G 26 MIN | 3-9 FG | 0-2 FT | 3 REB | 2 AST | 6 PTS | -7
If I were the younger Silas, I would’ve split his minutes between the guy who DJ’s every game court-side, one of the dudes who runs around on those springy-stilt-things during timeouts, and a stack of Time-Warner-Cable customer-agreement contracts. That combination of energy, height and confusion would’ve destroyed the Wizards’ morale from the beginning, and sealed a victory by halftime.
Five Things We Saw
- Roger Mason. Dominating. I feel obliged not to use those three words in a sentence just in case they rip open the very fabric of space and time, erasing our entire existence or something.
- Who is James Singleton and why did he look like LaMarcus Aldridge against the ‘Cats? 18 points on nine shots, 12 rebounds, three assists, and two blocks. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- The Wizards blocked 10 shots in this game. I’m almost 100 percent certain that they were all attempted layups, too. Every time a Bobcat got into the lane, Washington’s defense swarmed him, and forced him into a bad shot. It was kind-of sad to watch, honestly.
- Washington shot 48 percent from the field and 44 percent from behind the arc. They missed just four of their 26 free-throws, out-rebounded the Bobcats by 10 and recorded 12 more assists than Charlotte. In fact, Kemba was the only guy on his team with more than two assists. Hasn’t anyone ever heard of sharing?
- I’m not sure if the Bobcats can win 10 games this season. They have 11 games left, and face six teams with winning records, Cleveland and Washington on the road and Detroit, New Orleans and Sacramento on at home.
Speaking of home, I’m pretty sure there were more people at my final varsity basketball matchup than there were at this “basketball game”.